@thefrontrowe

Season One DVD

I pretty much avoided CBS sitcoms. Scrubs, Arrested Development, 30 Rock, that’s what I liked. They seemed all non-typical and when looking at the string of Monday night shows on CBS they appeared to be so pedestrian. I realize that might make me sound like a jerk, but that’s fine. I might be a jerk.

I had been prodded by several groups of friends for a long time to watch How I Met Your Mother. “You should watch” was usually followed by, “You’re exactly like Barney.” Barney is played by Neil Patrick Harris, and while I appreciate being compared to TV royalty like His Doogie-ness, I still wasn’t buying it.

With a string of fantastically funny movies turned in by Jason Segel and a rekindled love affair with Freaks and Geeks, I thought “Why not? If I don’t like it, I can blame my friends for years to come.”

So, I purchased season one. It took several episodes to hone in on the pace of the show. It seemed very set-up-set-up-joke-laugh-track, exactly what I don’t like. The main character, Ted, was very Ross Gellar-ish, which is to say whiny and annoying. However, not so distasteful that I immediately ejected the disc and burned in the microwave.

It was good to see Alyson Hannigan emerge from Buffy into a more widely palatable show. She deserved it. And Cobie Smulders was attractive enough to pique my interest. I think she even had lines at some point.

Once the show was set, around episode four or five and it was a fully baked How I Met Your Mother pie, I started to enjoy it. I caught myself laughing. It is pleasant and harmless, good humored and endearing. It out friended Friends. Ted’s march toward true love was accessible and his hope kindled a small flame in my long-dead, cold heart. I liked it. Season one was quickly followed by purchases of two and three and being stuck wringing my hands waiting on season four.

Though, the comparisons to Barney started to sting. He’s a jerk. Oh wait, I’m a jerk. Yet, he’s a womanizer and a cad. I’m not that. I might like to be, but I’m not. Is that what my friends thought of me? In later episodes and later seasons they peel back the curtain on Barney. I breathed a sigh of relief. My friends didn’t hate me. He’s a truer person than that. He cares about his friends, but will rarely show it. OK, I’ll accept that. I could be that guy.

And that’s how I met How I Met Your Mother.

From the cutting room floor that is my review for BmoreLive comes some thoughts on the Watchmen that didn’t make it into the review…

Watchmen has two fields of success, but a deep chasm in between.

On one side is a super hero movie. Can the moviegoer enjoy it just as it is, a popcorn-y romp where interesting characters in creative costume try to unravel a dastardly plot?

The other side presents an intricate story that supposes real consequences of costumed heroes and essentially deconstructs the last several years of super hero movies, the way the original series in 1986 deconstructed the decades over which traditional superhero archetypes were developed in the pages of comic books.

Like Mr. Miagi said, you’re safe on either side. You can have fun or, if you can make the leap, you can be intrigued and spend time gnawing on the fascinating suppositions of the film. However, if you attempt the jump and don’t quite make it, there are perils waiting for you at the bottom (and they may just look like quintessential, 80’s bully, William Zabka, squishing you like a grape).

Read the full review on BmoreLive.com.

Jack Burton Shirt

Below is an email thread between a friend of mine (dubbed Jack Burton) and an etailer (dubbed Lo Pan) trying to buy a Big Trouble in Little China shirt to complete is Jack Burton Halloween costume. I found it quite funny. This guy isn’t a nerd, but he does a good impression.

From:    Jack Burton (jack@porkchopexress.com)
Sent:    Wed 10/29/08 2:15 AM
To:    lopan@threestorms.com
I’m sure you have a lot of orders for Halloween as this is an awesome costume but I was wondering where you were located and what thepossibility of it arriving by Friday.  The mailing address is inMaryland.  If there is anything that can be done to process this orderso it can arrive by friday i would greatly appreciate it.

- Jack

—–Original Message—–
Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 7:23:21 am
To: jack@porkchopexress.com
From: Wing Kong <lopan@threestorms.com
Subject: Re: Quick Question Ref Pay Pal Order #: 4315-5367-1912-2355

Hi, thanks for ordering, but it’s too late for your shirt to arrive
in Maryland by Friday- you needed to order by the 27th. Sorry. It will
arrive by Nov 5 when I ship it on Saturday.

Lo Pan

On Oct 29, 2008, at 5:24 AM, ‘Jack Burton ‘ <jack@porkchopexress.com
wrote:

Nov 5th???? The order form said 1 to 3 business days! Why would you
not ship it today

—–Original Message—–
Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 9:05:54 am
To: jack@porkchopexress.com
From: Wing Kong <lopan@threestorms.com
Subject: Re: Quick Question Ref Pay Pal Order #: 4315-5367-1912-2355

Sorry, I can usually only ship on Saturdays. I made an exception this
week by shipping yesterday, but now I’m on a business trip and cannot
do anymore shipments until Saturday.

If you would like to cancel your order I’ll be happy to refund you.

Lo Pan

On Oct 29, 2008, at 8:29 AM, ‘Jack Burton ‘ <jack@porkchopexress.com
wrote:

I would like a refund. You should also put in large print on your
website and paypal where people can see that you only ship on
saturdays. If Jack Burton knew you only shipped his apparel on
saturdays he’d come there and kick your ass

From: lopan@threestorms.com
To: jack@porkchopexress.com
Subject: Re: Quick Question Ref Pay Pal Order #: 4315-5367-1912-2355
Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 11:37:22 -0500

Your rude comment was uncalled for. I make it clear on my site that I
can only ship on Saturdays, including the confirmation message page
and FAQ. I explicitly stated on the order page the cutoff date for
Halloween shipments. Even if I were to ship today it still wouldn’t
arrive in time.

I will process your refund with all speed. Good day.

Sent from my iPhone

—————————————————————————————–

From:    Jack Burton (jack@porkchopexress.com)
Sent:    Thu 10/30/08 12:12 AM
To:    Wing Kong (lopan@threestorms.com)
Rude?  C’mon I wasn’t being rude.  I was merely stating fact.  You and I both know that Jack Burton doesn’t stand for nonsense or evil Asians.  This is especially true when they interfere with his girl, the Pork Chop Express, or looking awesome in tank tops.  Saturday only delivery is both nonsense and evil and it interferes with me looking awesome wearing Jack’s clothes.  We therefore have to come to the conclusion that Jack Burton would want to kick the ass of the person committing such atrocities (You).  You’re like the Lo-Pan of internet merchandise, PayPal is your scary furry minion, and my money is thegirl with green eyes.  You can’t have my girl Lo-Pan!  You can’t have her!

I finally tracked down a legit Dark and Stormy made with the right components (Goslings Black Seal Rum and Ginger Beer). I wanted it to be some fantastic and wonderful explosion of drink deliciousness. I had waited for so long. I had romanticized it. In my head it would transform me into some rakish swashbuckler that laughs in the face of danger. I would do that thing where I’d jump into the main sail of a pirate ship, stab it with a knife and slide down to the deck. Yelling, “Ah-HA!” as I hit the deck. Pulling my sword and unarming the particular foe I would be facing.

None of that happened. It didn’t taste much different than a Jack and Ginger, a drink with which I was all too familiar. There was no piratry conjured.

I was back, slouched on a bar stool, at Captain Larry’s listening to some member of the state legislature trying to convince me that we’d met before. “Ok, ok. I believe you. Have another Guinness, Senator. Um… You… You have a bubble of spit on your lip. Yeah… Kinda gross.”

So, the quest for my next drink continues. I want something new and exciting. I’m bored with vodka and beer and jack and coke and ginger ale and tonic and club soda and jager and tequila. I want to be excited about drinking again. I want a new adventure in a glass.